I didn’t make my quota this past week. I didn’t have an image to share either, which is depressing because it’s such a simple thing to do. It’s frustrating, but I only have myself to blame.
This past week I had a ride on an emotional roller coaster. It wasn’t a bad situation, and I tried my best to keep myself from getting too invested. My emotional side wasn’t very cooperative, though, and try as I might, I couldn’t fend off the downward spiral.
I’m sure many things come into play, and being pregnant doesn’t help matters much. But I felt that this week my logic and heart had drawn a line, dug the trenches, and went to war without warning me ahead of time. And, when that happens, there’s little you can do but accept it and hope that it plays out quickly.
In these times, I think my brain stops producing and has this intense need to absorb. Every night this week, I would get the girls into bed, gather my tablet, sit on the couch and stare at the black screen. Some nights I would intentionally keep it on my lap, hoping that its weight on me would stir something within. Other nights I would set it aside and say, “I’ll just distract myself with something and come back to it.”
Neither of these approaches helped, however. Instead of a creative flow, I felt utterly drained of anything useful in my head. The excitement and stress of the looming situation were all I could think/feel/experience and seemed to dam up my abilities to do anything other than dwell on them.
I read a book once (I can’t recall the name, I apologize) that mentioned that there are ebbs and flows of the creative process. I remember it explaining that there are times where one can outpour a tremendous amount of work over a period of time, but just like a gas tank, there’s a point where one has reached their giving limit. At that point, the mind switches from export to import- basically refilling the gas tank with information or experiences.
When going through the “take” stage of this two-cylinder cycle, some people mistake this as being bored with whatever project they are working on. They think they have run out of inspiration and having nothing more to give to the piece. So they start looking at other ideas, looking for the creative high to take them back to the “give” stage.
Honestly, it is hard to roll with it. During the “take,” there is a lot of guilt, doubt, and frustration. It’s hard to keep committed to something when it feels like it’s left and has no intention of returning. However, if one can hang in there, the gas tank will fill, the stress will pass, and I’ll be able to kick back into “giving.”
So here’s hoping that I can shift into second gear this week. Peace be with you!